someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
please come you make the beer taste better
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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