His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
