If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
