She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
