You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
