Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize