I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
