Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
