Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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