u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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