Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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