Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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