Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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