It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
