Christians are straight up FREAKS
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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