on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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