hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
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Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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