so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
