Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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