Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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