All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
