I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
