I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
