Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
