someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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