I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
