just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
