therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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