yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
