Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
