Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
