you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
