I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize