i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
