And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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