did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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