I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
