her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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