it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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