I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
now i know why i became what i already was.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
