Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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