his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
