Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
