**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
