If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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