My first STD was from a foam party
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
