i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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