I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
