evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
