...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
