It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
