Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
