But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
