...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
