His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
