it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Holy sore nipples Batman
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
