Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
