His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
