3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
