God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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