We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
