Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
