tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
