All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
