My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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