He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
