I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize