I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
