I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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