Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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