theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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