i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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