its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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