she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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