Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
