I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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