member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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